my darling mum, I have so much i want to say to you so thought i would write you a letter.its been two years since my heart was broken and so much has happened. emily is now living in wales living with her boyfriend and just about to start her second year of uni.she passed her first year foundation course.i hope you are proud of her i know i am.i hope that you are always with her keeping her safe.megan has started year 9 her last school report was fantastic.she has just taken her first horse out on loan his name is blue and she is doing brilliant with him she is doing her first dressage walk and trot test on sunday.i hope you can be there to watch,i again hope that u are with her daily keeping her safe and being very proud of her as i am.mum when you died it hit megan very hard and her behaviour spirralled abit but as much as she misses you deeply she has managed to get back up to the high standard for her behaviour.she has made you a keep sake box in there she has memories of you birthday preesies and xmas pressies for you.i hope you find the time to look its in the lounge.beth has just started carisbrooke school.she has settled in lovely.you know beth very easy going doesnt show much emotion to anyone would rather do it quitely in her room.i hope that you are proud of her i know i am.pete is adorable he has had to go through so much these last two years with me.hes supported me so much he has got a full time job works every day barr mondays and looks after me and the girls.i know you always loved him to bits and i know you would be extremly proud of him.i am. now mum,now me,i hurt with every ounce of my being,i have some things that i would like to say and for you to listen.i want to say how sorry i am.i feel that there was so much i could of done for you.im sorry that i got you cremated in stead of buried i hold so much guilt.maybe if id had the money i could of given you a better send off.in june i took an overdose i know that would make you so angry but i just want to be near you hear your voice smell your smell see you smile sit on your lap and have that hug we always used to do.mum i want you to know i luv you to the moon and back i miss you every day.some day mum ill see you again till then be with me every day and wait for me.always in my heart......your loving daughter fae xxxxxxxxxx